True friendships?

[georgelong]

Reading the thread about memorable ladies who have retired brought a qustion to mind:

Has anyone ever become true friends with a provider after her retirement? (no names please)

Like keeping in contact, doing things strictly as friends, supporting (not monetary wise) her new life/goals, etc.

I have met one or two providers who are totally sweet and generally good people (makes me wonder why they are in the biz) who I could definitely be friends with after they retire.

[nj george]

yes...2 ladies are semi retired, soon to be fully retired i hope(but who knows anymore.) the other still works but we are by far more friend/friend than client/provider.

[Casper]

None that are retired, but there is one part timer that wants to stay in touch and go for coffee (real kind, lol) with me. Funny thing is, I may take her up on that offer as I wasn't totally impressed with her services so just coffee at this point is fine.

Other than that, I try to keep somewhat distant from providers when I'm not in a session. Keeps me from getting "too" attached emotionally while they're still in the hobby.

Peace Out
C



[Edited by Casper on 04-07-2001 at 08:02 PM]

[HAPPY GUY]

I tend not to socialize with providers outside of the client/provider relationship. I had a platonic friendship with one which then turned into something romantic which then turned into an absolute disaster. Aaaargh.

[fishfry]

Originally posted by HAPPY GUY
I tend not to socialize with providers outside of the client/provider relationship. I had a platonic friendship with one which then turned into something romantic which then turned into an absolute disaster. Aaaargh.


How does that differ from forming friendships and relationships with non-provider females?

[Ozzy]

i'm gonna shut my yap when it comes to a romantic relationship with a provider.....

however i tend to consider most of the girls i meet friends, especially when i see them numerous times.

[Carl M]

I agree 100% bro!

[HAPPY GUY]

Fishfry, in many cases it may not. In my case, it did because we became friends for many reasons, one of which was that since I knew about her past (which she didn't look back on with fond memories—quite the opposite, in fact) she felt comfortable confiding in me. Once we became more than friends, it made her uncomfortable because she had become so close with someone who knew so much about her past. She felt that being with me (despite the fact that I never brought it up unless she did, and treated her extremely well) was a reminder of those days. While every provider may not be this way, I don't feel inclined to try again at the moment. Have you ever dated an actress or a model? It's very similar—you don't need to be with very many to realize that if you're a well-adjusted human being then those aren't 2 career pools you should generally pick girlfriends from.

[Ozzy]

thank you!




:cool:

[Edited by Ozzy on 04-06-2001 at 02:27 PM]

[Slinky Bender]

HG,
First, I take a dump on you, and then I don't want to be around you because you smell like shit.

[HAPPY GUY]

Slinkybender, unless that's some sort of veiled unhappiness with my post then it would seem as if you completely understand what I'm saying.

Though, yeah—that's completely, 100% accurate. It may have been more the sort of person she is in particular as opposed to every provider in the world, but the whole thing was unpleasant enough especially since by then I really felt connected to her.

To put it into plain English, she was happy to have someone around to have a shoulder to cry on, but then afterwards wanted to distance herself as much as possible from that very same shoulder. There were a few other factors involved (I won't bore you with the whole sordid story), but in the end I mainly felt used.

Again, I'm not accusing every provider of being in this state, but I think she was so traumatized by her time spent as a provider (and a few other things) that by the time I met her she really wasn't capable of having a normal, stable relationship.

Unfortunately, people like that sometimes seem the most appealing at first, don't they?

[Slinky Bender]

"unless that's some sort of veiled unhappiness with my post"

You're too sensitive. And I'm not that subtle.

[Ozzy]

thats kinda the way it usualy works HG.....

[HAPPY GUY]

Okay, slinkybender. Point taken, and I meant no offense. I'm having a bit of a rough day.

You're right, Ozzy. I guess the only way to learn is from experience.

[jmcurry]

Quite a while ago I saw a provider in Boston, with whom I became very friendly. Over the three or four years that we saw each other in a provider/client relationship, we became very friendly, outside the normal parameters of the hobby. She grew more interested in bondage and dominance, and, after opening her own place, would refer me to other providers whom she had hired, because she was more interested in S&M than in straight sessions. Nonetheless, we became close friends, with no sexual contact at all. Until fairly recently, I could always find her in Boston, for dinner, theater, a Bruins game, or just a drink or two before we re-engaged our separate businesses. You can have a relationship with a provider, post-hobby, but it clearly takes work on both sides. As an aside, if anyone knows where Nicole of Boston is now, please let me know. We have been out of touch for too long.

[Ozzy]

so you'd think i would be the most experienced mutha around......

I NEVER LEARN!


:cool:

[TuckernotSucker]

I have been able so far to separate the two. Can have a friendly meet with a provider. Then two days later a session.
I wonder how long that will last.

[HAPPY GUY]

Hopefully for a while, Tucker. I know that I'm not particularly good at it. For me, once sex is thrown into the equation I find it impossible to have a platonic relationship. Maybe I'm simply immature.

[georgelong]

Do any of the ladies here have an opinion?

Can you ever become friends with one of your clients after you retire?

[TuckernotSucker]

Takethe lead from the girls. Most of them really really like sex. They separate the emotional from the act. So can you.

[HAPPY GUY]

Yeah, I really ought to be able to. I know that. I'm a grown man and have had a few long-term relationships, the whole bit. Still, it's impossible for me. The ex-girlfriends that I'm still friends with are also occasionally one-night stands too.

In fact, I'm no longer in touch with anyone that I've had sex with where sex is now out of the equation.

What can I tell you? I never claimed to be perfect. =+)

[HAPPY GUY]

Though, one more thing, with regards to Tucker's post: I may be wrong, but a lot providers (including ones who enjoy their job a lot) do it for a living. When I hire one, it's different: it's purely physical for me also. That's different from a personal relationship.

And please, no wisecracks about how girlfriends and wives cost a lot of money also. =+)

[Casper]

Originally posted by TuckernotSucker
Takethe lead from the girls. Most of them really really like sex. They separate the emotional from the act. So can you.

If I recall correctly, being able to have sex while remaining emotionally unattached was something us men did best. When did the women jump ahead of us?

The part that would get me into emotinal trouble is if a provider told me too much about herself. Even if she had/has problems, I'd tend to become attached therefore as I said earlier, I tend to keep a distance and only care to keep it on a strict client/provider relationship. The key to it all is to know your own limits, stick to it and all should be fine.

Peace Out
C

[HAPPY GUY]

Once you know someone on a personal level, how can you not develop some sort of emotional tie to them? Otherwise, the relationship (whatever the nature of it) isn't genuine.

[TuckernotSucker]

Casper, I am surprised too. But having met a few women and spent a few hours with them. After the barriers are broken. I have found that there are some that really like sex. Really like what they do. True, they are few and far between but I am shocked and pleasantly surprised to find a few of them.

[HAPPY GUY]

Lord knows I'd like to marry a woman like that.

[candie]

Casper, I would Never allow myself to get emotional to the point where its just not healthy. I love and enjoy what I do but would Never allow Anyone to stray off that provider/client road to fun .

Maybe its where my head is at. <oh i do try not to use that word...honest I do> but then again maybe its my past experiences in real life that keeps me focused too. I have gained many friends that I will play with but Never would I allow anyone to fall off that path.

I will start talking a certain talk when they do ...winks... works everytime to put them back into focus. If they don't then I know the kind I am dealing with and take care of what is necessary to say to them in a nice manner.

In the words of ... heck I forgot...who writes that... maybe U lol.

piecesa
kinks a winks
candie
xx

[HAPPY GUY]

You know, I used to think that if two people liked each other then everything else be damned. I still sort of feel that way.

I guess in this hobby, as with everything, it depends upon the people. Most people, I think, don't feel like I do about that sort of thing.

Mostly, I remember my ex (who, again, did not look back on her days as a provider too fondly) not wanting her family to know about her past, and not wanting it to still be a part of her personal life.

[Casper]

Originally posted by TuckernotSucker
Casper, I am surprised too. But having met a few women and spent a few hours with them. After the barriers are broken. I have found that there are some that really like sex. Really like what they do. True, they are few and far between but I am shocked and pleasantly surprised to find a few of them.
My point was that men are more adept at having sex with women and just being able to walk away with no emotional attachment. Women on the other hand historically are the ones that have a hard time doing the same. I will however qualify the above by saying that I too have known a "few" women that will try to be like men and have sex without thinking they will be attached. Odds are, they cannot do so as easily as men can. On that note, I came across some information a while ago that stated that when women have sex, there is some kind of chemical (hormone) released that effects them. And it's this chemical (hormone) that causes the female to become emotionally attached ( I guess this would be over time).

Just my 2 cents
Peace Out
C

[HAPPY GUY]

Kind of weird, like our emotional attachments are nothing more than chemical reactions designed to help propogate the species. Kind of depressing, actually, but it makes sense.

[guy catelli]

the fortune cookie that came with my won ton soup today reads: "Don't expect romantic attachments to be strictly logical or rational!"

oh, Oz, the 'Lucky Numbers' are: 6, 7, 26, 27, 36, 37

[Casper]

On the subject of fortune cookies: I had one the other day opened it up, pulled out my fortune and on the back of it where it would normally be blank white space, there was a friggin ADVERTISEMENT to a web site. Mama mia where's the remote, I never watch commercials .... lol

it's off topic I know but wtf.

Peace Out
C

[nashman]

Guy,

I beg to differ on your fortune cookie never lies post.

Past Thursday I got a fortune that read Happy News is on it's way to you. Lucky Numbers 3, 15, 23, 27, 31, 47

On Friday some positions in my portfolio were liquidated due to a house margin call. I wound up with losses that I wasn't expecting to be realized.

I'm still waiting for my happy news unless Dawn is going to show up at my door to help me celebrate my 30th B-Day coming up. She can send me an email and that would be happy news!

[guy catelli]

you did get happy news. the 'news' (to you) is: never buy on margin.

the 'happy' part is that you got this 'news' before your 30th birthday. ;)

[guy catelli]

today's "lucky numbers": 16, 19, 21, 24, 28, 36.

[guy catelli]

did anyone see Amanda's latest post on ymmv.net? [i think i'm going to die from laughing]:

---------------------------
Amanda Witherspoon:

"My penis hurts so bad ever since they sewed it on."
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see: http://64.70.229.241/cgi-bin/ikonboard/topic.cgi?forum=2&topic=282&start=20