Be careful what you wish for...

[Tankcommander]

As pathetic as this may seem...
As this is the only place I can find comfort anymore...

I wished that my girlfriend would leave me alone sometimes. I wished that when I tried to break up with her, she would let me go through with it.

So.... this weekend she disappears and does not come home. I suspect she is with another man...

I say "it's over" and she says okay...

Now, I'm devastated. I mean, i've been with many other women, although there have not been any emotional attachment. Am I devastated because she's found someone to make love to, and all I had was someone to fuck?

My dogs know. They know something is very wrong. They know mommy isn't coming home anymore and they won't let me out of their sight. They get separation anxiety too. God bless their little souls. I have never experienced more love and loyalty than from those two dogs. Tonight, they eat steak.

Be careful what you wish for, because I certainly got it and I'm not sure I want it.

So, pour it on, all the sympathy, all the "there's more fish in the sea". All of it, even if it's fake. I'll return the favor someday.

[candie]

First let my give you a tight hug! I wish I had a cure for what you are going thru. I vowed I would Never have what happened to me ever happen again.

It takes time to adjust, just keep yourself busy!! Go to the movies, meet friends for a drink but even though your hurting inside now, she is too. I don't know her but women rethink things. One day at a time and you will feel better!!!! If anything at least its spring time and yes there will be more girlfriends for you!!!

Nothing is ever easy in life but you have your friends and they will help you thru this, and your dogs are aware and will cheer you up too!!!

Sincerely,
candie
xx

[HornDogBuddah]

What she said.

[Hotpuppy]

Tank,
As someone who has been in your position more times than it is comfortable to recall, let me add my voice to the band of brothers and sisters that will come to your aid ( dont fret, it wont be "coddling"). The hobby saved me from a prolonged bout of sadness a few years ago, as there are some really wonderful ladies out there. As for the dogs, well, you have said it all.
take care

[Edited by Hotpuppy on 04-01-2001 at 09:23 AM]

[RoosterC74]

Tank,

Hang in there. Brighter days are ahead. This horrible winter-snow-rain-and cold is almost behind all of us know. Keep yourself occupied and lean on close friends. Treat the animals like kings or queens. The strong will survive.

[Richardrzhpippin]

We all need support, all the time, from all kinds of places; dogs, ferrets, friends, dolphins, lovers, and when its available even damn boards like this to communicate and receive.....hang in, your not alone....

Richard

[littleguy]

As someone who has gone through the same sort of thing (Be careful what you wish for) about 9 months ago and unfortunately is still not totally over it, I can only sympathize. You've already gotten some good advice here.

It WILL work out. It takes time. Take solace from wherever it comes. There's nothing wrong with getting it here.

Good luck, TC.....

[Slinky Bender]

Take care of those doggies. Isn't unconditional love glorious ? They aren't reading that she isn't coming home, they are reading that you are upset and are going to do everything they can to make you feel better. Let them.

If she didn't come home and has left you, this didn't happen yesterday. These things don't happen "all at once". I'm sure you sensed it, which is why you "wished for it". I also don't think this is one of those things you wished for and didn't want. If you wished for this, it's probably one of those things where logically you knew it was the best thing, but it hurts anyway. At least your timing is good - Spring is the time for new romances ( just wait for the first nice day and see eeyone take their clothes off ).

[littleguy]

Slinky,

Well said. These things don't happen all at once. I knew that. I'll bet TC does also.

"just wait for the first nice day and see everyone take their clothes off "

SB, when and where's that gonna happen. I can't wait Hahahahahahaha

[Tankcommander]

Thanks so very much.

[badz]

.

[Edited by badz on 05-23-2001 at 10:02 PM]

[LIDAWN]

i am certain for the comments you make here that you are a wonderful man with endless possibilities..
No matter how you feel today tomorrow it will be te tiniest bit better..
What is more important is that you continue to love yourself and know that it is NOT you who are un worthy of her .. it is she for walking out on the man that you are have been and will be.. definantly her obvious loss..
Although it still hurts.. i know i am there in a way myself... just know that i am sending you strong arms with tons of hugs mentally and if telepathy were possible.. I would be there to chat with you and make you forget if only for a while the sad.. and hopefully exchange it for a temporary ounce of joy..
Best wishes and I hope it all turns for the best for you..
Hug the dogs animals are good medicine for sadness..

xxoo
DAWN
http://www.cajuncumfort

[K.S.]

I'm sorry you're feeling so down!

Do you still live with this woman? Is that how you know she hasn't come home?

Anyway, if you two stay seperated and you continue to miss her, perhaps you'll be able to get back together.

More likely, though, you'll have to just give it time and you'll get over it.

That whole "who moves on first" thing is really, really painful! I absolutely dread finding out my ex is seeing someone new. Apparently, he has a new neighbor in the apartment next to his - a 20-something blonde personal trainer. If they hook up, I hope she's the girl from psychoexgirlfriend.com. LOL!

Personally, I subscribe to the school of "put on your lipstick and get back out there." So, I'm already feverishly out there trying to meet more men.

But the thought of having sex with a new person just depresses the hell out of me. Luckily, I know that when I'm ready and I meet someone I really like, there won't be a damn depressing thing about it!

Are you able to move on, Tankcommander? Are you going to try and meet new women? I think just showing up and going through the motions can be a good thing.

I also believe that the more my telephone rings, the less time I have to think gloomy thoughts!

Best of luck to you!

[Tankcommander]

Secondly,

It's difficult to meet someone in NYC if you're not prominent like a Kennedy, rich like a Trump, or fit like Schwarzenegger.

Right now, I'm feeling damned ugly so I'm not going anywhere yet.

Anyway, even at my best, I don't get out much.

We had the keys to each other's apartments so we can coma and go as we please. When I called and she wasn't answering her phone, I got worried and went over. This was about 3 in the morning.

[Slinky Bender]

Personally, I don't think TC should take KS's advice of "put on your lipstick and get back out there."

Although, I'd bet he could......oh, nevermind.........

[Ezrlove]

Tank - I am sorry to hear that you are hurtin

It sounds like you had deep feelings for this woman. I agree with Slinky. Don't jump into a relationship to quickly. And when you do find someone special remember how you felt when your lady left you. It will make toyr next relationship better and stronger.


Ez

[Slinky Bender]

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I was just talking about the lipstick part.............;)

[Edited by slinkybender on 04-01-2001 at 10:57 PM]

[Casper]

I you've never felt the hurt, you've never ever been in love. Simple but true statement.
Most of us have been hurt to some degree or another. Aside from keeping busy and not having too much idle time to think and re-think about "it", I take comfort in the fact that I believe that there is more than ONE right person for everyone.

Now finding that "other" person(s) is the hard part. Time heals most wounds, bad memories fade while being replaced with new and better ones. The comfort family and true friends can give make these things better to deal with. Use the emotion your feeling to do something constructive, maybe become a volunteer for something you have a fondness for, maybe a dog shelter perhaps. This will get you out and about keeping you busy while exposing you to new people with similar interests.

I know it may be too soon for you to think about any of these things, but you will move on at your own pace. Just make sure you move on, because success is the best revenge anyone can rub into the face of someone's who's done you wrong.

Hope this helps,
Keep the faith
C

[Carl M]

Bro I feel your pain, hang in there, Im married but am living thru hell right now. Sometimes when something like this happens its meant to be!! Each day that passes you will feel better! Email me my brother if you wanna talk!!

[jmcurry]

Tank, we know several folks in common who will vouch for my sincerity. I have been where you are and back. You need to heal, but you should not attempt it alone. If you have places to go, go there. If not, email me. I will steer you to some caring friends. If you'd rather go it alone, be well: time does heal all wounds.

[Geezy Muldoon]

Tank:

I know this comment runs against the sentiments expressed above. But, if you have been actively having sex with other women even for pay, why are you suprised that your girlfriend left you? Women in the real world do not put up with that shit. A wife might forgive you at least once assuming you are otherwise a "nice" guy, but there is absolutely no reason why a girlfriend should put up with such behavior.

Assuming you were not in "retirement/hiatus" mode, what did you expect to happen? Screwing other women inevitably makes men more detached from their girlfriends and wives with the result that they feel ignored and do not want to stick around. You play. You pay. Kind of unavoidable. Want a girlfriend or a wife? Stop fucking around.

[fletch]

Or at least only do it with semi-retired girls who only see a small group of people. But don't worry about bragging about it on public Internet bulletin boards.

[Geezy Muldoon]

fletch:

Am actually in semi-retirement myself and not seeing anybody. So a little less hypocritical than might appear at first glance. Definitely on my way out of the hobby for all the reasons outline above and in other threads today. Nothing more to learn. Bored. But thanks for pointing out that I am a shiftless hypocrite with the morals of a coyote. I know it and it does me good to be reminded of it.

[fletch]

I'm glad to be of service. Along those same lines, what exactly does "semi-retirement" mean? Blow jobs only?

[Geezy Muldoon]

Eating pasta salad and chicken and conversation. I will be completely retired when I no longer even do that. And thanks again for hammering me on occassion. Remind me of a friend in my real life who always takes me down a few pegs whenever we meet. Only person who will do that for me. Rest are all hoodwinked.

[Edited by Judge Crater on 04-02-2001 at 09:12 PM]

[TuckernotSucker]

The hurt gets better each and every day. It may never go away completely but it gets better. Try to keep yourself busy. Feel better my friend

[fletch]

In all honesty, if you want out and you are getting out then I'm glad for you.

[SkellyChamp]

JC

I thought it was just a Lent thing. Or does this mean you have come to grip with your "power" issues.

[Tankcommander]

complete with all the crying and hugging and honesty.

The last two nights, it was yelling, accusations and hate.

She has had a depression problem for a long time and recently went on an anti-depressant without telling me.

Hindsight being what it is, I realize that she had been distant for a month now. We were in a co-dependent relationship and we were'nt fixing anything. Me, being a person with a Pit Bull personality, tried to bully her into being better. I would force her to get up and do things, to be physically active and to try to enjoy herself when all she wanted to do was curl up and lay down. Honestly, I had curled up with her on occasion, and found myself getting fat and lethargic. So, the alternative was to pick her up and try to "snap" her out of it. It took a little pill for her to realize that she was bringing me down, and to save me as well as herself, she had to leave me. She knows that she will have to swallow that pill every day for the rest of her life.

She told me things that she had never told me before. Things of self sacrifice and deception, but deception for my benefit. She knew of my hobby, and knew that her lack of sexuality played a part in driving me to it.

And, to my discredit, I found that there was no other man. But even worse is the fact that we have ruined each other for ourselves. We can never have a romantic relationship again.

All the anger and dispair is gone. I am sad now. I regret many of the things I have done. I feel remorse and sorrow. I mourn the passing of our relationship. However, I love her more than ever. We were making each other miserable and she took it upon herself to fix things. I know it hurts her more than it hurts me. I have many coping mechanisms, she has very few. She is my martyr.

I spent the last hour holding her and crying. I promised her that I would be there for her, anytime, day or night. However, she knows that if she comes to me for comfort, it would be counterproductive.

So, I am left here with melancholy thoughts and a pain that won't go away.

I want to thank Imperial one, Lisa, Candie,Skelley. Fletch, Tucker, Jmcurry, CarlM, Horndog, Dawn, Badz, K.S. Casper, little guy, Ezrlove, Richardrzhippin, Rooster, hotpuppy, (which incidentally through some E-Mail interaction, casts doubt on my suspicion that he was Kayla), Alyssa Young, and Roberta of Houston, all of whom have given me great comfort. Also, Guy Catelli (whom I have had many vigorous disagreements with, yet has the compassion to over look that) who sent me the url to "A kiss is still a kiss", and Judge Crater who probably has a Pit Bull Personality and tried to "snap" me out of it by giving me a kick in the seat of my pants...

If I missed any of you, please forgive me, I didn't make a list, and I've been sobbing a lot. I do remember you though. Thank you all. Thank you all.

And, although you will never read this, My love, my darling love, thank you for sacrificing yourself to save me...

[Carl M]

Listen look on the bright side bro- there are plenty of fish in the sea! Hey I stlll have not seen Enemy at the Gates- This FRI I am going no matter what, email me!

[Geezy Muldoon]

Skelly/fletch:

When you realize that you and all the other johns are the ones actually being conquered in the minds of prostitutes, it takes the wind out of your sails. Reverse field perception. Was much easier to hobby when I thought it was I doing the conquering. Makes me laugh to grasp the irony of that. So nothing left to learn, perhaps, or experience with prostitutes. Winding down and just talking to the Wizard behind the curtain.

tank:

Not a pit bull personality at all. Think it is true, though, that the more you fuck around the less attention you have for the woman in your personal life. They sense that even if they do not actually know you are cheating on them. We become unavailable and distant to them and they do not like it. Was just pointing that hidden cost of hobbying out. Not intending to be mean.

[Slinky Bender]

ARTIST: Bob Seger
TITLE: Night Moves

End of third stanza

[lisa]

tank
although weve talked about this in pvt i want to send you a big hug on the board so when you look here
you know im there for you too :)

xoxo
lisa