Reading the signs

[Slinky Bender]

About a year ago I met a working girl at a party. towards the end of the party, she started comming on to me (I really didn't know why). Funny thing is 2 separate people warned me about going home with her, but I told them not to worry about it. In teh back of the cab going over the 59th St bridge, i thought the cab driver was going to crash due to the show we were giving him from the back seat.

At some point during the poist coital talk, she sprung on me that what she really likes is for her lover to sneak into her dark bedroom while she lays face down naked and pretends to be asleep, and he fucks her while she continues to pretend to be asleep. Instantly my mind flashed that she had been abused as a child. (I'm sure that subconsciously - for me - her drug and alcohol habits helped push me in this direction).

[seeker6591]

Im just curious, what was the net-net on this one Slinky Bender ???


seeker6591

[fortydog]

You know you could be wrong about your assumption that she was abused as a child. I don't believe all fetishes are based on bad childhood experiences.

[JackT]

I don't believe all fetishes are based on bad childhood experiences.

And what of the reverse, then? Any similar analysis of a man with a very strong fantasy toward pre-arranging a situation with a woman where he sneaks into her bedroom (better yet, her apartment) and proceeds to fuck her in her bed while she pretends to be asleep?

Surely, sometimes victims of sexual abuse seek to reenact the abuse as response to the trauma they endured. But I don't think it always has to be so. Maybe she's just exploring submissive fantasies... loss of control, objectification. Maybe it is a sign of scalating sex addiction. Maybe she is just seeking out more and more sexual intensity through this role play.... Maybe sex to her is somewhat like a drug... that she uses to escape from emotional and psychological pain (not necessarily child abuse, but any type of personal pain).... Maybe this particular fantasy scenario provides her that "stronger hit" she needs to satisfy her, or to escape or numb her feelings, as the case may be.

While slinky's speculation about this particular girl may be right, I think it can be somewhat counterproductive to assume that interest in a particular type of fantasy is necessarily indicative of a particular type of abuse.

[UG Staff]

I hear she grew up on a Zebra farm.

[JackT]

You didn't disclose that important bit of information in your original post.
I can only speak from personal experience and what I've encountered out there. I wouldn't jump to such a conclusion.

[Barnabus]

I dated this girl, who would lie in bed and I would come up behind her and fuck her from behind, and she would just lie there, I would lick her ass and she would just lie there,
I would fuck her in the ass and she would just lie there, and never respond
I would splooge (oh how I love that word) all over her back, and she would just lie there.

I don't know if she just liked pretending to be dead, or jewish.

Barnabas

[Slinky Bender]

I wonder what people here think the incidence of CSA among sex workers is?

[JackT]

Specifically define CSA.
Depending upon how you do that, I think it's pretty fucking high, relatively speaking.

[Slinky Bender]

For the purposes of this thread, I don't think you need to define it all that rigorously.

Besides, the thread is just as much about what flashed through my mind hearing the story as it is about the girl.

[Ozzy]

Aside from the Brazilians who I don't know of a single one that ever admitted or showed the slightest of signs, most of the others I've known on a personal basis admitted or showed strong signs of CSA.

[Ozzy]

Actually aside from the Brazilians who except for one or two were all from very close families..... NONE of those others I've known personally had any resemblance to a functional family.

[Bandaid]

I wonder what people here think the incidence of CSA among sex workers is?
Anywhere from 40% to 75%.

[justlooking]

Definitely not as low as 40%.

[justlooking]

You know, there was this girl I used to see, and she would always find an occassion to sort of lay on her stomach, half-asleep, with her ass exposed.

I'm not Slinky Bender. I never made the connection.

[JackT]

My necktie is (pretending to be) asleep.

[franca]

acronymfinder is being really bitchy at the moment. What is CSA?

[Axe]

Child Sex Abuse (?)

[Thorn]

I have to admit, in all the years of bumping uglies, I've never bumped into a woman with a serious rape fantasy... or take me while I am sleeping and not directly involved in what is going on thing.

I certainly am aware of its being out there. Just no first hand experience.

[wouldn't be my thing if I did, and I'd be hard pressed to comply with her desires]

[Thorn]

BTW... A side note: That isn't a due to any moral problems with the scenario. Just personal. I have and adverse reaction to a woman I am having sex with, even if it is in play, acting like she didn't want me doing what I am doing that I would totally lose my erection. I'd suffer performance interruptus.

On the other side of the equation, I totally get off on a woman telling me she is open and trusting of everything I might do to her and wants me doing it. I get as hard as a diamond.

[swiggy]

I go to the DR a lot and i had a similar experience. I was with a Hatian girl drinking and hanging out all night. i connected with her pretty well. I took her back to my room and we fucked for an hour. I could feel her body trembling but she didnt make a sound, not a peep. We were laying there afterwards and she mentioned she had a kid back in haiti. The first question i asked got a yes. I asked if her father was her babies father, i just knew.

[Thorn]

I have to be honest and ask, how was it possible that you could have sex with a woman whose body was tensed to the point she was trembling [I am presuming from the tone of your post it was obvious that it was a fear reaction] and not making a sound.

Forget going limp. I'd never gotten erect in the first place. The last thing I'd be thinking about, being on the receiving end of a reaction like that, would be sex.

[swiggy]

I have to be honest and ask, how was it possible that you could have sex with a woman whose body was tensed to the point she was trembling [I am presuming from the tone of your post it was obvious that it was a fear reaction] and not making a sound.

Forget going limp. I'd never gotten erect in the first place. The last thing I'd be thinking about, being on the receiving end of a reaction like that, would be sex.

what i meant was i could tell she was enjoying herself. i could feel her cumming including vaginal spasms around my cock. i heard some slight heavy breathing but that was it. you could have heard a pin drop in the room otherwise.

[curious]

Maybe, but the silence/unresponsiveness is interesting, too. Inasmuch as it implies an early sexual experience during which she was obliged to "keep quiet".

[swiggy]

Maybe, but the silence/unresponsiveness is interesting, too. Inasmuch as it implies an early sexual experience during which she was obliged to "keep quiet".

That was actually my point about the silence. mongering in the DR is much different than here. ive never been rushed and you pay afterwards which give you a huge advantage. its usually much more of a gfe and the women never let the fact that they are getting paid get in the way of them enjoying the experience. i would say 90% of the time the women get in to it a lot. i have had women give me freebies more than once after i have paid them. im sure she got into it as it was a slow build to the point that she was enjoying herself. the fakers there cant control themselves and start moaning 15 seconds into it.

[masquerade]

You know, Sometimes I feel so abnormal that I do this thing where I close my eyes and attempt to conjure up suppressed memories of sexual abuse. It would probably explain a lot. On the other hand, I've never come up with anything. Also, although I think that my childhood probably has a lot to do with my fascination with sex work, I don't think it's because I was abused. I think it might have something to do with my father being somewhat effeminate in certain ways. He never taught me anything useful about men.

[ChuckUFarlie]

Could it be that CSA among sex workers is a myth? I've lots of close female friends (not pros) and it seems about half of them have admitted CSA. Lots of my male friends admit it too but not as much.

[justlooking]

I know a lot of sex workers who've made the claim to me that incidence of CSA among sex workers is no higher than among the general female population.

I've never particularly believed them, but they've made that claim.

[Ozzy]

Maybe it's becoming more of a stereotype at this point. I don't doubt that with the way most teens are more passe about sex than those just a decade ago that the numbers might be dropping. But it's still higher than the general pop. Same goes for mental illness being much more prevalent in the sex worker trade than the general pop.... but the gap is def closing.

[franca]

You know, Sometimes I feel so abnormal that I do this thing where I close my eyes and attempt to conjure up suppressed memories of sexual abuse.

Do you do that because you believe you were sexually abused?

You know, there is research that shows memories of stuff that never happened can be created later. Mental health professionals that encourage patients to recall incidences of abuse may be doing a great disservice. I had suspected that was a bogus form of therapy anyway.

Sorry, but I'm too lazy right now to go digging for this research.

[benisbig]

I used to fuck with this stripper and she was nuts. The first time I fucked her she told me if she came that I'd have to hit her. Well she was cumming and she really freaked out which in turn kind of turned me off. I mean she was pushing me off her, trying to scratch me, really struggling. Then she told me to punch her in the head, I didn't but she kept hitting me and begging me to hit her. So eventually I did, lightly but she wasn't satisfied with it. Eventually I just pinned her arms down and held her as I finished. Afterwards she told me that she needs that type of treatment to really enjoy her cum but she did enjoy being made immobile.

Months later she admitted to me her step father abused her and was the first guy to fuck her. By then I figured out she was probably abused because of her other issues.

[Merlin6923]

Maybe as a horny teen, she got drunk at a party and let some guy
bang her ... while she pretended to be sleep.

I assume if she did get abused, then she would be the type
that wants to be "on top" or the type that wants to test
out a STRAP-ON ... just for a revenge power tactic.


You know you could be wrong about your assumption that she was abused as a child. I don't believe all fetishes are based on bad childhood experiences.

[Rubes1]

Yes, I agree, Ozzie, the gap is closing. The economy is in the toilet, more women who are not mentally ill or abused are in the sex industry now. I am a sex worker, and I have a supportive family, my only complaint about dad is he smokes a lot of weed. Of the many women that I know who are sex workers, most do not fall into this CSA catagory. Conversly, the women that I do know who are CSA survivors are not sex workers - they are striving to attain normal lives that do not include objectification. I understand in many areas poverty, drug abuse and CSA may be interlinked, and poverty and sex work are interlinked...so, it leads me to believe that it may have more to do with socioeconomic circumstances plus these stats must be skewed due to underreporting in both areas, as well as by the moral preconceptions that sex work is automatically harmful and damaging to the providers.

[CH34]

I met a girl through an agency and started to bang her on the side. she was something of a coke head, and probably bipolar too. she wanted me to doggy her while I pulled her hair.... I felt really bad, and really good, pulling the shit out of her hair, which she loved. felt like I was going to tear a handful out. Was she abused, I don't know, didn't ask, but would be she was.

[CH34]

As it turned out, she eventually became homeless, so I got her a 10 or 12 day short stay apartment on the upper east side. she was gorgeous, 5'10, slim blond with too big in my opinion bolt ons, but a major hottie. she would fuck me for $100 a time... She also introduced me to a friend who wasn't as hot, but I banged as a freebie. I went to her apartment (the one I paid for) and found her passed out with her ex. He was really pissed that I can into the apartment (I banged like hell, no one answered), and he called 911 after we got into each other's faces. Cops came, I yelled, they yelled, female cop told me that she swore she wasn't intimate with the guy... whatever. Was pissed that she trashed the place and I lost the security deposit.... was kind of funny though, the landlord said she was a bad, bad girl.... He had no idea the extent of it. I spotted her months later in the LES, didn't make eye contact, but wow what a fuck... whatever, next.... lol

[CH34]

I met another girl who was south american and had a place near Scores on the far east side. she kept telling me how as a young girl her uncle had taken her out back (sounded like behind the woodshed), and made her blow him. She wanted to relive that fantasy, but it was a bit disturbing, lost my wood but recovered to fuck her. My opinion on the CSA is a very high percentage for pros, but as the stats come out on CSA for the general public around this whole Sandusky shit, its shocking who high it is for all.

[CH34]

I also met a girl in Florida, through seeking arrangement dot com, (great, great site for good looking girls), who agreed to spend the weekned with me. she was pretty hot when we met at a bar, but there was definitely something wrong with her. She never got wet the whole weekend and drank so much she was falling out her chair. Whacked out girl. Really embarrased me, bc people were looking and commenting.... I had to drag her out of the restaurant, literally dead weight and bring her back to her apartment. I ended up leaving one night early as she was passed out, never heard from her. CSA? who knows, maybe she didn't like that she had become a whore, but it didn't work out so great for me either.

[CH34]

Met a black hooker at hunts point a few months back too. Not sure if she was CSA, but she gave me a great bbbj. I complimented her and she said that girls from Oklahoma really know how to cook, clean and suck dick. She also told me that her brother had 6 baby mommas. Nice to know where my taxes are going. Other than through being a total scumbag/sex addict, how else would I meet that interesting/fucked up people that I meet through this hobby? Funny shit.

[CH34]

I have some other examples of sure CSA, but I've been doing this so fucking long, I can't remember. Repressed memories or just brain full of hookers? Don't know my friends, don't know.