Troutman
11-04-2001, 08:09 AM
BOSTON RED SOX TO NEW YORK YANKEES FAN CONVERSION FORM
Thank you for your interest in becoming a member of The New York Yankees
Fan Club. Due to an unprec****ted volume of requests, we are currently
processing only fan conversion revisitations for Boston Red Sox fans.
Conversion requests for other teams will be accepted once all former Red
Sox fan requests have been processed. We expect this to take a number of
weeks based on the current number of requests.
Please take a few minutes and complete the conversion form below to help us
get to know you better and prescribe any required counseling to recover
from your previous fan experience.
1. Please indicate the last time you watched the Red Sox win the World
Series:
__ 1918 (Please leave your form in the main office of your nursing home
for mailing).
__ I have never witnessed this event
2. Please indicate your favorite moments in Red Sox history. (Check all
that apply)
__ Babe Ruth sold to the Yankees
__ Pesky holds ball as the Yankees score the winning run in 1948
__ Bob Gibson shuts down the Sox in the 1967 series
__ Sox trade Sparky Lyle to the Yankees for Danny Carter
__ Big Red Machine beats the Sox in game 7 of the 1975 series
__ Sox lose 14 1/2 game lead to the Yankees in 1978
__ The "Boston Massacre" in 1978 (4 game sweep by the Yanks in Fenway in
Sept)
__ Bucky Dent's homer in the 1978 playoff game
__ Bob Stanley throws wild pitch in the 6th game of the 1986 series
__ Grounder goes through Buckner's legs in the 6th game of the 1986 series
__ Future Hall-of-Famer, Wade Boggs rides policeman's horse after the Yanks
win the 1996 series
__ Future Hall-of-Famer, Roger Clemens traded to the Yankees
__ Yanks wipe out Sox in 5 games in the 1999 ACLS
__ Roger Clemens wins game 4 for the Yankees to clinch the 1999 series
3. Reasons you believe the Red Sox have NOT won a World Series:
__ The Curse of The Bambino
__ Lack of Pitching
__ The Curse of The Bambino
__ Lack of Hitting
__ The Curse of The Bambino
__ Lack of Defense
__ The Curse of The Bambino
__ Bad calls by the umps
__ The Curse of The Bambino
4. Have you experienced any of the following symptoms after another
inevitable Red Sox collapse?:
__ Headache __ Uncontrollable anger
__ Heartache __ Holes punched in doors/windows
__ Nausea __ Smashed TV screens
__ Depression __ Avoided Yankee fans for 3 or more days
5. October is your favorite month of the year __Yes
__No
6. Are you tired of saying, "Wait Until Next Year?" __Yes
__No
7. Are you ready to admit that:
a. Joe Dimaggio was better than Ted Williams __Yes
__No
b. Thurman Munson was better than Carlton Fisk __Yes
__No
c. Derek Jeter is better than Nomar Garciapara
__Yes __No
d. Don Zimmer is a mangerial genius __Yes
__No
e. The Red Sox will be no better in the 21st century
__Yes __No
Once you have completed this form, please forward it to Yankee Stadium.
Then burn all of your remaining Red Sox clothing, memorabilia, and
associated reminders. After reviewing your request, the Yankee Fan Club
will contact you with notification of acceptance or rejection.
If accepted, you will receive:
* A recommended recuperation program, including a recording of Frank
Sinatra singing "New York, New York"
* An opportunity to obtain tickets to the 2002 World Series at Yankee
Stadium
* An "I've Come to my Senses" Yankee T-shirt
* Chuck Knoblauch's new video, "Illusions: How to Almost Catch Balls and
Tag Runners"
* Posters of Boggs and Clemens in Yankee uniforms, complete with their
championship rings
* A dart board sporting a picture of Dan Duquette
* A copy of our ever popular handbook, "Harassing Red Sox Fans For Fun and
Profit"
* A coupon for future posters of Pedro Martinez and Nomar Garciaparra in a
Yankee uniform
* A one year subscription to a weekly support group for ex-Red Sox fans in
your area
If Rejected, you will receive:
* Our pity and condolences, plus a 25 second video capturing the past 100
years of Red Sox highlights in head-to-head competition against
the Yankees, narrated by George "Boomer" Scott
Thank you for your interest in becoming a member of The New York Yankees
Fan Club. Due to an unprec****ted volume of requests, we are currently
processing only fan conversion revisitations for Boston Red Sox fans.
Conversion requests for other teams will be accepted once all former Red
Sox fan requests have been processed. We expect this to take a number of
weeks based on the current number of requests.
Please take a few minutes and complete the conversion form below to help us
get to know you better and prescribe any required counseling to recover
from your previous fan experience.
1. Please indicate the last time you watched the Red Sox win the World
Series:
__ 1918 (Please leave your form in the main office of your nursing home
for mailing).
__ I have never witnessed this event
2. Please indicate your favorite moments in Red Sox history. (Check all
that apply)
__ Babe Ruth sold to the Yankees
__ Pesky holds ball as the Yankees score the winning run in 1948
__ Bob Gibson shuts down the Sox in the 1967 series
__ Sox trade Sparky Lyle to the Yankees for Danny Carter
__ Big Red Machine beats the Sox in game 7 of the 1975 series
__ Sox lose 14 1/2 game lead to the Yankees in 1978
__ The "Boston Massacre" in 1978 (4 game sweep by the Yanks in Fenway in
Sept)
__ Bucky Dent's homer in the 1978 playoff game
__ Bob Stanley throws wild pitch in the 6th game of the 1986 series
__ Grounder goes through Buckner's legs in the 6th game of the 1986 series
__ Future Hall-of-Famer, Wade Boggs rides policeman's horse after the Yanks
win the 1996 series
__ Future Hall-of-Famer, Roger Clemens traded to the Yankees
__ Yanks wipe out Sox in 5 games in the 1999 ACLS
__ Roger Clemens wins game 4 for the Yankees to clinch the 1999 series
3. Reasons you believe the Red Sox have NOT won a World Series:
__ The Curse of The Bambino
__ Lack of Pitching
__ The Curse of The Bambino
__ Lack of Hitting
__ The Curse of The Bambino
__ Lack of Defense
__ The Curse of The Bambino
__ Bad calls by the umps
__ The Curse of The Bambino
4. Have you experienced any of the following symptoms after another
inevitable Red Sox collapse?:
__ Headache __ Uncontrollable anger
__ Heartache __ Holes punched in doors/windows
__ Nausea __ Smashed TV screens
__ Depression __ Avoided Yankee fans for 3 or more days
5. October is your favorite month of the year __Yes
__No
6. Are you tired of saying, "Wait Until Next Year?" __Yes
__No
7. Are you ready to admit that:
a. Joe Dimaggio was better than Ted Williams __Yes
__No
b. Thurman Munson was better than Carlton Fisk __Yes
__No
c. Derek Jeter is better than Nomar Garciapara
__Yes __No
d. Don Zimmer is a mangerial genius __Yes
__No
e. The Red Sox will be no better in the 21st century
__Yes __No
Once you have completed this form, please forward it to Yankee Stadium.
Then burn all of your remaining Red Sox clothing, memorabilia, and
associated reminders. After reviewing your request, the Yankee Fan Club
will contact you with notification of acceptance or rejection.
If accepted, you will receive:
* A recommended recuperation program, including a recording of Frank
Sinatra singing "New York, New York"
* An opportunity to obtain tickets to the 2002 World Series at Yankee
Stadium
* An "I've Come to my Senses" Yankee T-shirt
* Chuck Knoblauch's new video, "Illusions: How to Almost Catch Balls and
Tag Runners"
* Posters of Boggs and Clemens in Yankee uniforms, complete with their
championship rings
* A dart board sporting a picture of Dan Duquette
* A copy of our ever popular handbook, "Harassing Red Sox Fans For Fun and
Profit"
* A coupon for future posters of Pedro Martinez and Nomar Garciaparra in a
Yankee uniform
* A one year subscription to a weekly support group for ex-Red Sox fans in
your area
If Rejected, you will receive:
* Our pity and condolences, plus a 25 second video capturing the past 100
years of Red Sox highlights in head-to-head competition against
the Yankees, narrated by George "Boomer" Scott